Here is part 2 of “The Gift of not Fitting” in. I recommend that you read part 1 first to better understand what I’m writing about today.
In part 1 last week I mentioned that, when I started to write on Substack about my inner world, it took me out of my comfort zone and brought up feelings of discomfort.
Feeling the discomfort is part of the journey of a Wild Spirit. To become freer we need to expand through the layers of our past and I will share with you, my dear fellow Wild Spirits, how I discovered a gift within the layer of discomfort.
When I first started to write on Substack, I felt so excited and passionate about sharing my deep inner truth on a platform which felt much clearer than some of the other social medias.
I purposely choose to publish for free so everyone can read my Newsletter but this adds another layer of vulnerability to the whole writing and publishing process.
As I mentioned in past Newsletters, before hitting the publish button the first few times I felt a lot of discomfort. It stirred up a layer of painful memories about not feeling safe when I’m sharing from my heart authentically and vulnerably.
Painful memories can stir up inner parts which are stuck in the past and look for a quick fix to feel better.
This stuck part led me down a rabbit hole and I fell into the trap of comparing myself to other writers who had a much bigger subscriber number and reached many more people.
After the comparison I felt sadness come up and knew that I needed to explore what was going on within myself.
I tried to connect with the inner part which was feeling this sadness. This part felt sad that I wasn’t like the other more “successful” writers. I tried to comfort this inner part and explained to it that success for ME, the present Katja, has a different meaning.
But the sadness stubbornly stayed and dampened my creativity and made me question my writing process.
I finally got so tired that I fell asleep. An hour or so later I woke up and my first thought was that I will continue to write my Newsletters no matter how big or small my audience is because it fills me with so much joy and passion to write about the Wildness within our Hearts.
And I so deeply appreciate everyone of my subscribers who have been so wonderfully supportive. I feel so grateful to you!!!
Sharing this Newsletter is my way of contributing to being part of a world that is filled with more light, diversity, authenticity and freedom.
And as soon as I made the decision to continue writing from my Heart the sadness dissipated. Completely vanished and I was filled with so much wildness and joy that my Heart was bursting wide open.
I realized that I had a mental part which had tried to convince me that I was only safe to express myself when I got tangible recognition and validation from outside of my Self.
When I tried to understand my sadness initially, I had talked to this mental inner part. But that was only a superficial sadness and didn’t address the deeper part of my sadness.
My true sadness didn’t come from that mental part, it came from a much deeper bigger inner part. This deep inner part was sad because I had let a mental part look outside of my Self for belonging, recognition, validation and fitting in.
This deep inner part is now so wildly happy about me realizing where my sadness truly came from and that I’m happiest and safest when I’m true to my Self.
This wild authentic part is now my guardian who reminds me that I experience true belonging within my Self. That’s when I truly fit IN.
When my mental part is starting to glance outside of my Self, I feel a hint of sadness and I’m reminded that my Source of happiness, belonging and safety is right here within me in the Wildness within my Heart and I turn my attention inward.
It feels empowering to know so clearly that there is a superficial side to an emotion which pulls us away from our Self and there is an empowering side which brings us back to our Self.
Staying on the surface would have kept me caught up in my mind and my past. Feeling into it more deeply gave me the gift of connecting with my empowering deep part and brought me back within my Self.
Maybe you sometimes feel the superficial side of an emotion too when a mental part of you is looking outside of your Self for a quick fix of happiness, validation, safety, approval and recognition.
We live in a world that feeds off people’s FOMO. Clickbait is hugely based on missing out if we don’t click on a link. We are bombarded with people’s perfect social media posts.
But we always have a choice.
We can go down the rabbit hole and listen to the mental parts which look for outside validation.
Or we can follow our much deeper empowering inner parts which feel happiest when we follow our wild Heart and find true Belonging and Safety within.
That’s what I feel is true success, overcoming my mental distractions and having the courage to live my life guided from the Wildness within my Heart.
Prompts
During the day you could observe yourself where you are putting your attention: on the outside or inside of yourself?
How are the two different perspectives affecting you?
What happens when you start comparing yourself with others or look for validation and safety outside of your Self?
What happens when you stop and bring your attention back to the Wildness within your Heart?
How does the superficial perspective of your mental parts make you feel?
And how does the much deeper perspective of your inner wild parts make you feel?
Can you ask one of your deep wild inner parts to become the guardian who reminds you to turn your attention inward?
When we want to create a life filled with authenticity, freedom and courage, we need to remember our deep inner wild parts. Otherwise our mental parts might stifle our creativity and kill our joy.
My wild Inkling:
“Looking outside of ourselves in the hopes of fitting in, creates a mental rollercoaster. Experiencing true belonging within ourselves is nurtured by the Wildness within our Heart.”
So here I am joyfully sharing my Newsletter from my wild Heart with you.
I deeply appreciate each one of you who is reading it ♡
I would love to hear from you. Please share in the comment section what you are discovering when you follow one of the Prompts.
“May the Wildness within your Heart inspire you to become more of YOU.”
Until next time!
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt.
Yes Katja looking outside to find contentment is a fool's errand . Addiction is actually becoming dependent on something outside ourselves ....the worst part is dependent on external undermines our ability to find peace and well being on our own....right where it always has been.