I have never fit in. Never. Not as a child or adolescent or adult. I always felt different.
I have a wild inkling that maybe some of my readers are feeling that way too. And that’s completely understandable. Wild Spirits can’t fit in.
It can bring up sadness though in some situations to not feel like we belong and I will share more about that below.
This Newsletter starts a bit heavy but in part 2 next week there will be a happy ending, or even better a happy ANDing which I referred to in the Newsletter from last week.
So let me start sharing with you what my experiences have been about not fitting in.
Before you continue to read maybe you could pause and tune in and feel the feelings that come up for you when you contemplate not fitting in.
Not fitting in became even more apparent for me after moving to the US.
I’m originally from Switzerland and speak with an accent because English is not my mother tongue which makes being different even more obvious, especially when I’m asked where I’m from. It’s a loaded question for an immigrant that can evoke the feeling that we are different and don’t belong.
As a child growing up in Switzerland I felt a lot of sadness about not “belonging” and as a teenager and into adulthood I had recurring feelings of loneliness.
As a deeply empathic and highly sensitive child I perceived the world differently than what I felt was expected of me.
I kept it to myself that I saw energetic beings, that I talked to trees and animals, that I knew when people were lying.
My inner world was in many ways more important to me than what I observed on the surface. I felt people’s motivation behind their words or behavior and as a child was confused by the incongruity.
I experienced early on in my life that people made fun of my perception and ridiculed my inner world.
So I hid my inner world from others.
I later discovered that so many people felt this way growing up and like me didn’t talk about their different perception because of fear of feeling rejected, ridiculed, even unsafe, and therefore not fitting in.
As a child and teenager, it sometimes looked to me, that people who fit in and had their groups they belonged to, seemed so happy and successful and were the ones others wanted to aspire to.
I half heartedly sometimes tried to fit in but it always left me feeling even sadder.
The feeling of not fitting in has usually many many layers and they all can create different types of feelings of sadness, loneliness, isolation.
During the times in our life when we step out of our comfort zone, there is a tendency for challenging feelings like sadness, anger, resentment, guilt or shame to surface.
When we start to share a part of ourselves with the world which wasn’t visible before, we often first feel a layer of intense discomfort which can include fear of rejection and not fitting in.
Every time we allow one of these layers to come up within us, we have an opportunity to gain more freedom by accepting, understanding and releasing these challenging feelings.
As an adult I have done a lot of inner work and know about the benefits and gifts of not fitting in and following my truth. It feels tremendously freeing embracing my sensitivity and knowing that it’s one of my super powers.
AND I also find it immensely beneficial to not expect to ever be free of inner discomfort and to allow these challenging feelings to surface. Very often within the layers or waves of discomfort there are inner gifts waiting for us.
It’s all part of the journey of Wild Spirits. To become wilder and freer, we need to expand through the tight layers of hurtful past experiences.
A few weeks ago I was able to experience another layer of not fitting in and it was such a great opportunity to become aware of where this layer of sadness truly came from and to discover another gift of not fitting in.
It all started when I decided to write a regular Newsletter on Substack. In my Newsletter I’m sharing about my inner world in a vulnerable, authentic way.
Composing my Newsletter constantly takes me out of my comfort zone.
So it’s not surprising that it triggered some intense feelings for me.
I will continue to write what happened when I started to write my Newsletter next week. And how I fell into the trap of comparing myself with others and how this created an opportunity to discover a gift within a layer of sadness.
Prompts
Do you remember a time when you started a new project which took you out of your comfort zone?
Do you remember any discomfort that came up for you?
If so what kind of feeling was it and have you had this kind of feeling before during another time in your life?
I find it very freeing to accept that we all experienced some wounding in the past which will surface from time to time. It’s a great opportunity to embrace the discomfort as growing pains.
We can realize what gifts we gain from having the courage to expand beyond our past and what feels familiar and enter new wilder inner and outer territory.
I can wholeheartedly confirm that it’s deeply enriching not trying to fit in and to choose to follow our wild Heart.
My wild Inkling:
“Fitting in doesn’t make us feel fit ;) It’s exhausting. Being special and unique is our true Nature. So let’s follow the call of our wild Nature and expand into new inner and outer territories.”
I hope that you will share in the comment section how you feel about fitting in.
“May the Wildness within your Heart inspire you to become more of YOU.”
Until next time!
This one brought up some stuff for me . I have always repressed or hidden some of the "magic" I have experienced. Sometimes those experiences can't be explained or understood and for me perhaps are more meaningful just kept as sacred and without explanation. I do feel that belonging is very important. It should not be something you have to manufacture to fit in, but a natural expression of yourself. When you actually belong in a group or relationship you express yourself in a way that is creative and free. You show up as yourself and not as someone confined to approval. We love the people who invite us to be ourselves just as we are.
Thank you, Jon, for your thoughtful sharing! So so true “We love the people who invite us to be ourselves just as we are”. That is such a beautiful gift to receive and to give.