Discovering different Versions of Motherhood and Gratitude
While my husband Skip and I walked along a calm section of the Deschutes River this week, Skip told me how much he would love to share this peaceful section of the river with my mother. It warmed my heart that Skip included my mother on our hike.
My mother lives in Switzerland and we live with her when we stay there over Christmas and during the summer. Skip’s mother passed on many years ago and he recently shared with me that he has now spent more time with my mother than with his own.
My mother and Skip have a great relationship and they both deeply appreciate each other.
My mother is an amazing woman. She is turning 86 this June and divorced my narcissistic father in her late 70’s.
Getting a divorce from a narcissist is a deeply scary experience and I’m in deep awe that she mastered it at her age. Many younger women, understandably, don’t have the strength to do this.
A part of me always wished that she had done it earlier. But then I remind myself that every generation of women has it easier because the former generations broke through so many walls of the old consciousness.
I feel immensely grateful, that thanks to so many brave women, who have paved the way for me, I was able to cut the cord to my father. I was able to choose my Self instead of what’s expected from the societal norms.
One of the major reasons why my mother stayed with her husband was her unwavering belief that, deep inside, everyone wants to be a good person. And giving enough love and compassion would help everyone to wake up to their goodness.
Sadly that’s not the case with everyone, especially narcissists who have lost their connection to their inner Source. They don’t have the resources and willingness to go through the pain of repairing the connection to their inner Source.
Fortunately my mother in her 70’s learned and accepted this sad, sobering and ultimately very freeing realization that not everyone can be mothered into goodness.
She had to learn to discern when it is beneficial to mother others and when it needs to be her top priority to mother her Self.
Believing in each others goodness can be the greatest mothering gift we can share with each other. But sadly there is a dark side to this because of the toxic people who are trying to take advantage of this precious gift.
When mothering falls on fertile ground, it nurtures self love.
When mothering falls on toxic soil, it becomes infused with those toxins.
Mothering becomes toxic when it enables others to take advantage of us and the only way to stop it, is to step out of this destructive cycle and stand up for our Self and our needs.
Without self-mothering, the mothering of others can become toxic.
When my mother grew up, it was not accepted for a woman to stand up for her own needs. It was expected that she solely had to serve others.
Even though there is a very toxic fraction in our population who still wants to take the autonomy away from women, we have come a long way compared to when my mother grew up.
Many women have woken up to the realization that toxic people do not deserve our mothering. But we can use their presence as a reminder to mother ourselves.
I hope that more and more women encourage each other to mother themselves. When taking care of our Self becomes non-negotiable, it closes the doors to toxicity.
On Mother’s Day I will celebrate my Freedom to mother my Self and the wisdom to discern when mothering is healthy or toxic.
I find it such an important life lesson to live both Versions of Motherhood.
One Version of Motherhood is mothering others, which I have done, even though I’m not a physical mother. I have mothered and nurtured many beings, humans, animals, plants.
Nurturing others in a healthy way feels so deeply joyful and life giving.
And the other Version of Motherhood is mothering my Self which has been one of the most healing choices I have made. Me being a deep empath nurturing others came natural to me, nurturing myself came second.
Now I know when it’s time to mother my Self. And part of self-mothering is also receiving mothering.
I receive so much love and nurturing from Mother Earth, from my nurturing girlfriends and during my daily FaceTime calls with my mother. I feel so grateful to them.
And my gratitude also extends to all women and mothers who walked before me and opened doors in our consciousness.
They opened the doors for women to mother themselves so women can become the Wild Spirits they truly are.
So on Mother’s Day let’s nurture and mother each other and our Selves and celebrate all the healthy Versions of Motherhood.
I have already composed a gratitude filled text to send to my mother in Switzerland tomorrow and I will also send a mothering text to my Self. Both Versions will fill my wild Heart.
Wishing you, my dear readers and fellow Wild Spirits, a deeply nurturing Mother’s Day.
I hope that you will share in the Comment section how you feel about the two Versions of Motherhood. Is one easier for you than the other?
“May the Wildness within your Heart inspire you to become more of YOU.”
Until next time!